So here I am, after 3 AM, on the third night of September with a big decision to make. A decision that will impact me greatly, one way or the other. But before I get into that, allow me to backtrack for just a moment.
Back around November or December, my depression severely worsened. I was in a pit of despair so dark, that I felt as if a glimmer of hope was only a distant fantasy. I felt like I did back when I nearly took my own life back in 2007. It seemed to me that I had lost significance in life. The one thing that brought me joy for so many years, serving at GSM and pouring into the lives of students, had turned into a mundane ritual that I was just itching to be away from. I was ready to step out and subsequently began to feel worthless again.
As I was starving for significance, God opened up the doors for another ministry opportunity. The catch, however, it would only be for a few weeks during the summer. I didn't think this opportunity was right for me, and I kept searching for ways to not do it. As per usual, God did not allow that to happen. He kept insisting, reopening the door I kept closing, and urging me to go for it. As I struggled forth, I remembered the fast I had finished a few weeks before hand where I focused on trusting in God. So I took the leap of faith and experienced one of the best summers of my life.
I've been back in town now for nearly a month. Since I've been back, I've been searching for a job, and praying that God would provide one that I would not only enjoy doing, but also pay enough to make ends meet. I had an interview last week with an organization that works with children in after school programs. This morning I received an email offering me a job to work with them. The pay isn't great, but the organization is and would help pay the bills. I was given 48 hours to respond.
Shortly after receiving the job offer email, I had a meeting with a guy about another very awesome and interesting opportunity. This opportunity would also involve me working with kids in an after school program. However, I would be working with kids on the west side of South Bend that are growing up in one of the poorest communities in St. Joe county, most of which have a very poor or difficult home life. The kicker? It's completely volunteer and won't help pay the bills. However, God provides.
During the meeting, my need to pay bills in order to continue living where I live came up. The guy I was speaking with also mentioned that this opportunity could potentially turn into a paid gig if the funding became available. But how would that help me here and now? The simple answer is, it wouldn't. However, he tossed around the idea of me possibly moving in with him and his family so I didn't have to worry about the burdens of bills and such.
So, to sum this up. Within a few months, God has really been working in my life. Bringing me through my terribly depressive state, where I was starving for significance and searching out ways to trusting in Him, to here and now. I had one of the greatest summers of my life after simply taking a leap of faith and trusting in God and I now have two wonderful organizations wanting me to come aboard with them and pour into the lives of children. If that isn't God slapping me in the face while showing me some significance, I don't know what would be.
In a few short hours I will be making my official decision on the matter. I have spent a significant amount of time in prayer about this and hope that I am making the right decision. Regardless of which opportunity I decide to take on, I know God will use me in great ways. Because, after all, it is His kingdom we are serving and not our own.
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose" - Dr. Seuss Oh, The Places You'll Go!
