Season of Sorrow

Maw-maw, my maw-maw, where are you tonight? This is the 4th Christmas I will have to endure without your presence. As the pain sets in I miss you more. Life has not been the same since you left us all those years ago. You kept our family alive. We have slithered to destruction without you as our glue. I never thought we could fall apart so much. I just want to scream and pull my hair out. I know you will never read this or never know how much I miss you.

Unworthy and Worthless

Often times throughout my life I would look in the mirror and simply whisper the word "worthless". This is what I ultimately thought of myself.

What does it mean to be worthless? Being worthless means to have no value, no meaning, no use.

Without value, use or meaning there is no reason to live or even want to live.

Naturally, since I thought myself to be worthless, I also thought myself to be unworthy. What was I unworthy of? Love. Acceptance. Friendship. Life.

Why would anyone ever look at me and love me for me? No one would ever be able to love such an unworthy person.

Unworthy and worthless. Nothing more. At least, that is what I thought. It was a long and lonely trip deep into a dark pit of despair and abandonment of any care before finding out how truly wrong I was.

Imagine the darkest black you have ever seen. Impenetrable by light. Sucking away all life from anything in existence. That was my address. The place I called home. A home in which one could not find enough comfort to sleep, but also no reason to stay awake. Being ripped apart by each demented thought. Being choked by the lies of Satan. No hope and no reason remained.

Then suddenly, blasting away the darkness, came a love unlike any other. Jesus came running for me. Fighting away all the demons I let consume me. He placed me on His shoulders and carried me away from that pit. Taking the jabs for me. Bloody and bruised, he redeemed me. Freed me from my prison.

Jesus gave me a home on His shoulders. I never have to leave. I can rest comfortably on His shoulders as long as I want to. This is my new home.

Jesus let me know that I am worthy. I am worthy of His love, His acceptance, His friendship, and His life. I do have worth. I am worth His blood and His body. He took on flesh and accepted a brutal death so that I don't have to suffer.

Purely by the grace of God I am worthy and I have worth!

If Jesus Returned Tomorrow

When I was a child my family did not regularly attend church. With my two older brothers I often attended various youth groups. We pretty much just went for the fun and games. I remember when I was around 9 or 10 we discussed when we would start living a Christian lifestyle. I stated that when I turned 40 I would probably then be willing and ready to live life as a Christian.

Last night at the Impact bible study one questioned asked was, "Are you anticipating the return of Jesus?" After some discussion, one student boldly declared, "Many people would live differently if they knew Jesus would return tomorrow. I know I would." That just pains my soul so I could only imagine how that makes Jesus feel. Many of us, myself included, aren't living wholly for Jesus and realize there are some things we have to change before His return. The return of the Messiah is near, but there are some things that still have to happen, according to the bible, before it takes place. Knowing this makes it easier for many of us to live in sin. By sin I mean not completely sanctified in His spirit.

What are we waiting for? We may not all live to be 40 so why continue to wait? Jesus here now. Calling to us and asking us to follow him. Giving us many opportunities and reasons to, yet we still hold back? Holding back from the One who came and died and defeated Satan and gives us life. To me it doesn't make any sense.


This leads me to my question. If Jesus returned tomorrow, would you know Him? Matthew 24:24 states "For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very Elect" To me that is something that makes me want to know Jesus even more. I don't want to be deceived by a false prophet. The only way I find it possible to not be taken by one of the false prophets is to not depend on Jesus for His miracles, but instead for His love and relationship. If we can get ourselves to develop a relationship with Christ and not what He does for us, we will be ready for His return.

The day Jesus does return will be a beautiful day. For this day I cannot wait. But until that day is upon us I will continue to fashion my life in a way that not only glorifies God, but also brings people to know Him. Praise be to God.